PART ONE – Me and the homie decided to ring in the new year Colombian style and headed to the vibrant city of Cartagena for some sun 🌞 and soul. It’s homies first time to Colombia and my 4th, second time in Cartagena. It’s hot as fuck…yeah boi!!!! The chorizo and chicharrones are on the grill and the world is an endless adventure!

✅got photos with BIG FEET statue – photo numero de tres

✅Ate…and ate ….

✅Ran….oh Boca Grande; how do I love thee….

✅Beach; playa las Velas

✅shop:; hat, towel, swim trunks, food supplies

✅Fuuuuck Jhonson bih – Johnson was the muther fucker that ripped us off for the fucking umbrella at the beach; bullshit. Now, I shall label all those who seek to rip me off as Jhonson.

PLAYA LAS VELAS, BOCA GRANDE

More excitement to come!!!!

PART TWO – PLAYA BARU – 12/30/25- me & the homee took a lil boat ride to Baru. Baru is a peninsula, but it gets referred to as an island. You could drive there by car but why be a bore-fest; take a speedboat ferry & see if the chaos from the time you get to the Muelle can throw you overboard; ha ha ha. The last time I was in Cartagena I went to the Rosario islands & the same chaos ensued; it’s a thing.

The boat ride is an hour & did not disappoint as I made sure we sat at the back so Rob could get the proper experience of water slapping his face & the smell of diesel fuel WHILE he was struggling with travelers stomach. Something fucked him up; alas he’s a good sport for his ma. The boat ride also offers incredible views of Boca Grande.

Baru has those wild bright turquoise waters that make you want to wrap yourself in that shit like a down comforter. It was hot, 98 degrees by the heat index; we rented an umbrella & chairs to chillax. The homeslice made a new friend; her name was Luna; she was the Gato that belonged to bar and restaurant we rented the set up from. Juan was our go-to guy; he was not what we call a Jhonson (a MF who tries to rip you off; fuck Jhonson). It was 60 bucks for the rental and our drinks. We had waters, fresh mango juices and nonalcoholic Peña’s Out of the Peña! I been around but never had a Peña out of a Pena before.

The ride back was sketchy as fuck. The wind had picked up and the waves were taller than our boat; glad I took Dramamine. You know the scene in the Perfect Storm where the waves tower over the fishing boat…..while obviously probably not life threatening it was a bit disconcerting. But we prevailed!!!

Rob had gotten burnt to a crisp despite the use of sunscreen and the umbrella. Then, as if the universe was not done torchering him he nearly died via choking on a potato crisp on the sidewalk. The next day when I ran I looked to see if the suspect crisps were still there. They were not; I suppose they had been eaten by some type of bird.

I commend you oh great one (Rob) for withstanding a day on the high seas, beach, and street with your crazy ass ma who likes to travel to less than calm and relaxing environments. I really do need to thank my kid, he has been enduring these trips with me for a decade; I think the only one that was kind of low key was France and Switzerland in 2019, other than that he has enjoyed chaos and food poisoning.

👍 Good times

PART THREE – Oh Colombia; how I love your sights, sounds, tastes, and soul. The whole shebang started as a goat fuck when there were zero places to park at MCO, and as much as I fly, I never calculated the risk of not making a reservation for off-site parking 2 days after Christmas. Due to my retardation, I ended up having to park my car at the Goldenrod Walmart and prayed for apathetic employees who did not care about anything and would not notice a red Kia parked in the same space for 5 days!!! (I won this battle!!)

However, as stated, Colombia’s colorful, hot, and chaotic vibe never disappoints me. Me and the homie ate the “Bandeja Paisa” (their national dish) at two restaurants…dope; Viva las chicharrónes and las chorizos!!! We had some dank AF paella in old town as well as other delicious pollo dishes….and lest not forget empanadas.

I went for 3 lovely and sweaty runs alongside the picturesque beaches and coastal promenade of BOCA grande. Me and the homie also went to a Colombian fitness chain called Smart fit to work out. Home slice said it was some of the nicest equipment he ever used. I’m not an equipment user as I tend to gravitate towards hand weights.; so I cannot attest, but he ain’t a pussy so I’ll take his word for it.

We went into old town, the historic district for some culture (stayed in this area in 2023) and bought “fat Mona Lisa” paintings. Before heading back to the crib we took a lil sidewinder of Getsemani, the funky artsy area of the old city.

I cooked a couple nice meals at the crib; we drank good Colombian coffee made in what could be called a Cuban espresso maker but to me is really an old style percolator that does not percolate. My ma used one when I was little and we lived in Oulu.

I don’t need to go to Colombia or Cartagena right quick again as I have been there 4 times now, but I suspect that it will come calling and I will go back; there is much to offer.

Oh, and despite that fact that the trip had been arduous for him, the homie came to the last Sunset of 2025 with me at playa las Velas.

Cheers to you Colombia and FAT MONA LISA

Then end